Memories #36
"being the coffee gopher for smcsu with flo or kwadrans...or any other poor sucker...'so what'll it be? mickey d's? timmy ho's?' goodtimes!"

holy camole...i don't understand why our house hasta be sooo loud...i'm so scared that the police are gonna come by and ticket us for noise pollution...really...if it's not the stupid lab workers cutting down trees outside, it's the stupid vacuum cleaner inside, or amelia's music...which is REALLY bothering me right now...and dad's trying to talk to her and she can't hear...and mom's calling for lunch...and omg! i really want to live in a log cabin right now!!! in the deserted forest...all by myself...just me and my linguistics book...i can't study!!!! can you imagine? i WANT to study...but NOISE POLLUTION!!! ahhhh!!! lunch!!!!

oh...that was from earlier...i was being driven nuts...then i took a nap...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.
(printed on bottom of the box)
(Too late! You lose!)
(I love it: food to piss you off.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
( Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a childs superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

i conclude that i still have a stupid headache and i still need to look at some hw....drugs...here i come!!!

oh and before i forget....HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB!