Visited the drive by Polar display by Pearson on Saturday with the family! Saw both Santa Claus AND Scooge Santa! #PolarDriveTO

On Sunday, spent four hours playing virtual games on google meetup with Louie, Karen, Patrick and Flo (with a short drop in from Eugene)!

My travellor's spirit is peaked in checking out the town of Santa Claus, Indiana after watching Lara Spencer from GMA on HGTV's Suprising Santa Claus, where her team renovated and redecorated two houses in the town.

Also spent the day binge-watching First Man - 2018 with Ryan Gosling, Claire Foy, Kyle Chandler, Ad Astra - 2019 with Brad Pitt and A League of Their Own - 1992 with Tom Hanks, Geena Davis, Madonna. I haven't seen this movie since it first came out during the Blue Jays world series. What a nice refreshing reminder of how good it is!!! With the likes of Tom Hanks, Geena Davis, Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, Bill Pullman and other phenomenal actors! SUCH a FEEL-GOOD MOVIE!!!!

Merry Christmas 🎄

Happy Holidays and all the best for 2021, much virtual love!!!

Countdown towards Christmas...

My presents (thanks to Fayewood's delivery & my pickup from Winnie's...minor case in point, even though it was so nice to see them...very difficult to resist the innate social urge to hug...even just fist bumping is borderline considering...) are lined up and ready for Friday!!!

Had a quick chat with Ling in Oz this arvo (Wednesday morning for them) where she sent me several photos of the kids where one looked like they were all snapping their fingers...but apparently (when I brought it up) they were making they were making 'love hearts' similar to how they're done from Korean shows (that I DO NOT watch. Case in point...details...)

Decided (can also enter different synonym as my recordings are getting to the timeframe where it'll be deleted regardless of whether it's saved or not...I question this...hrm...) to watch The Tenors -- Fan Favorites with Victor, Clifton & Fraser where they sang classics and hits from the Great American Songbook such as 'Hallelujah', 'Bohemian Rhapsody', 'My Way', 'Sweet Caroline', 'Always on My Mind' to name a few!

This weekend included binge watching:

- Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom featuring Viola Davis & Chadwick Boseman

- PLAY ON (from Dec 15) that Celebrated the Power of Music to Make Change. Hosted by Kevin Bacon & Eve with performances from Bon Jovi - American Reckoning, Yola ft The HighWomen & Sheryl Crow - Hold On, Gary Clark Jr. - Feed the Babies, LL Cool J ft DJ Z-Trip - Illegal Search, Sheryl Crow - Beware of Darkness, Ziggy Marley & Andra Day - Justice/War/Get up, Stand up, Machine Gun Kelly - Forget Me Too/Bloody Valentine, Maren Morris - Better Than We Found It, Sara Bareilles, Jon Batiste, Emily King & Steve Jordan w/ Pedrito Martinez, Chris Bruce & Meshell Ndegeocello - People Get Ready

Appearances were also made by: Bruce Springsteen, Ringo Starr, John Legend, Noreen Springstead (Executive Director - WhyHunger) & Sherrilyn Ifill (President & Director - Counsel NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund) and Micheal Bloomberg.

- Also finished watching season 2 recordings of Songland. The composer in me LOVES this show as people come in with songs that a variety of artists sit around, brainstorm and creatively change towards a larger goal!
For example, the episode with Bebe Rexha, who originally (pre-pandemic) was looking for a song towards the 2020 Tokyo olympics (that’s now been pushed to July 23, 2021). I was especially ecstatic in seeing how the song, Miracle was put together through a collaboration of two original & different songs that Bebe had the foresight to see and combine together. Definitely brought me back to To my musical theory days of harmony and counterpoint…
I also relished the season finale episode where Usher was the recording artist considering the song he would record. It's so fascinating to get a glimpse into the background of making songs!

- Garth & Trisha Live! A Holiday Concert Event last night who's song request list included 'What I'm Thankful for', 'Little Drummer Boy', 'Silent Night', 'Santa Baby', 'Belleau Wood', 'Mary Had A Little Lamb', 'Ugly Christmas Sweater', 'Oh Holy Night', 'Frosty The Snowman', 'Wish You A Merry Christmas', 'Hard Candy Christmas', 'Feliz Navidad', 'Shallow' (from A Star is Born), 'Baby Jesus Is Born' and 'Same Auld Lang Syne'

- Also last evening's The 22nd Annual A Home for the Holidays hosted by Gayle King with performances from Josh Groban (Celebrate Me Home & Angels), Miranda Lambert (Bluebird), Andrea Bocelli (I believe), Leslie Odom Jr. (Heaven and Earth & Snow) and Meghan Trainor (It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas). It's a great way to motivate people in the push towards adoption!

- Tonight's Sketchy Times With Lilly Singh (I miss her 'A Little Late With Lilly Singh' show)

This week's Boss Family Workout schedule!!!

Soooooo extremely helpful to help curb my sweets intake...(a leftover Afternoon Tea treat from Ames) :)

The Prom & Nutcracker flashbacks

Really enjoyed watching 2020 film, The Prom which is filled with the most extraordinary famous actors (Meryl Streep, James Corden, Nicole Kidman, Kerry Washington, Keegan-Michael Key, Andrew Rannells - come on, I enjoy all of them in general!). To me, it was like opening an early christmas present!

Personally, I totally enjoyed this fun, feel-good movie that achieved it's goal of distracting me life in general. Even though I'm disappointed that people aren't able to put judgement aside to find offense in it, I choose to disregard and to take in the joy of my own prom flashbacks (that weren't as dramatic)!

Also watched Debbie Allen's (from Grey's Anatomy as Catherine Fox - she's the mouse in the image...😉) documentary 'Dance Dreams: Hot Chocolate Nutcracker' that in a sense, rescue's Christmas 2020 with it's original and inspirational dance take on the traditional Nutcracker.

Guess what’s back? 😉

Something to look forward to!!! 🤗

The Original Santa Claus Parade #SANTACLAUSPARADETO

Normally, the parade occurs along University and Front St where I enjoy it viewing from the window while brunching at The Hot House Cafe. However, this year the parade took place at Canada's Wonderland virtually this evening.

The parade lineup included: Mother Goose, Polar Bear on ice, Phillipine Heritage Band, The Tooth Fairy, CTV holiday sleigh-in with DJ Tyrone and his daughter, Toronto All Stars Steel Orchestra, Molly Maid, BMO Bear, Power of Sport (MLSE), Snow Day (Canada Protection Plan), E.L. Crossley Secondary School Marching Band, The Dalton Owl (The Dalton School), TD Music (TD Bank Group), Winter Forest (McDonald's Canada), Hitmen Drumline, Mr. Peanut (Planters Peanuts), Imagination Starts Here (Indigo and Chapters), Holiday Treats (Metro Grocery), Penguin Pizza Party (Pizza Pizza), #FILLUPWITHLOVE (Dairy Farmers of Ontario), Go Bear (Go Transit), Automotive Partner: Volkswagen, All Christmas Music (98.1 CHFI)

Appearances from: Tyra Banks, Shay Mitchell, Paris Jackson, Lily Aldridge, Sting, Sam Smith, Bebe Rexha, Hannah Gadsby, Ruth B, Mayim Bialik, Iain Armitage, Giacomo Gianniotti, Matt Bomer, Shaggy, Joyeuses Fetes, Kelly Ripa & Ryan Seacrest, Jason Priestly & Cindy Sampson, Pentatonix, Johnny Orlando, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Brett Kissel, The Reklaws, James Barker, Scott Helman, Jullian Shea Spaeder, Kalen Allen, Tyler Shaw, Saweetie, Mrs. Claus, Jose Feliciano and last but not least...Mr. Claus himself!

Performances with Meghan Trainor - "Holidays", Ruth B - "Silent Night", Shaggy & Carys - "Catch Myself Some Rays", The Toronto Symphony Orchestra - Excerpt from "Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker", Ridley College Cadet Corps - "Marching Band #162", Kelly Clarkson & Brett Aldridge - "Under The Mistletoe", Malvern C.I., Malvern Band Toronto, Burlington Teen Tour Band and Dolly Parton - "Holly Jolly Christmas"

“Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!" & "Oy, with the poodles already!"

When Lorelai shares this snapshot of the “scary gibberish” that populates her brain when she tries to write and a phrase can be used to shut up a person that is talking non-stop about a certain subject. - Gilmore Girls

It's unbelievable and really blows my mind that this past October marked the 20th anniversary of the premiere of 'Gilmore Girls!!!

While this show was a nice television break during my undergrad studies with S, it's really standing it's test of time for me. This is one of those shows that acted as a reminder that people (myself pointedly) love this kind of show about family and community. I especially approved of the actors (Lauren Graham, Alexis Bledel, Scott Patterson, Kelly Bishop, Edward Hermann - RIP, Melissa McCarthy, Milo Ventimiglia, Liza Weil, Jared Padalecki, Matt Czuchny, Yanic Truesdale, David Sutcliffe...and countless others) chosen to act in all the character roles.

Stars Hollow is undoubtedly one of my happy places and is ever more so now in this chaotic time in the world...it's like a bit of a reassurance and reminder of the love that could be showcased in the past before the pandemic. THIS (as well as the show's unashamed passion for coffee) is why I will still make the time to watch a rerun whenever I come across it!

Who's kidding who? I actually spent this weekend watching Gilmore Girls a year in the life miniseries on Netflix again! (In between different WhatsApp chats with Fayewood and Witkos-in Oz, as well as the 2020 Soul Train Awards on BET) :)

The equalization of J-Town cakes and Boss family workouts...

Stopped by J-town after PT this afternoon as Markham isn't on lock down. We got two cakes out of the little adventure.

Unfortunately, the experience just isn't the same as in the past when I last went with Purple to dine for dinner and DESSERTS!!!!!! before heading to crafteria workshopping...

Due to the Ontario lockdown restrictions and the winter weather (snow and ice...black ice...) hazards, my places to walk safely have been sorely limited.
However, I've been able to rectify the situation by walking rounds in my apartment's 3-storey underground parking lot! The sweet spot is that I complete my exercise as early as 5 in the morning sooooo....I am able to complete several laps without any issues! SCORE!!!

ALSO, I'm DELIGHTED that Twitch and Allison have resumed their Friday Boss Family workouts on Instagram!!!

It IS what it is....

said two besties to one another AND 2020 CATCHPHRASE

EVEN THOUGH this line wasn't part of the top 10 wacky quotes said on the popculture classic Saved by the Bell (of which I tried not to miss during it's four season run! ;p), I'm still planning on catching the reboot that starts this evening on the W network with some of the old gang (Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Tiffani Thiessen, Mario Lopez and Elizabeth Berkley Lauren.)

As today is American Thanksgiving (nothing better to do than catching the 94th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the CBS Thanksgiving Day Celebration), it's no day like TODAY to be thankful for this reminder...ESPECIALLY when S and I had a wonderful (and impromptu - those are the best!!!) hour long update...it's been much overdue!!!

S and I've concluded this as the year's worldly catchphrase... and can ONLY hope this will be overcome...TBD...

What better way than by supporting the nurse heroes fund through

Nurse Heroes Live! The Allstar Benefit Concert: NURSEHEROES.ORG
A concert benefiting the Nurse Heroes
Featuring performances by: Black Eyed Peas, Andrea Bocelli, Celine Dion, Gloria Estefan, Emily Estefan, David Foster, Katharine McPhee-Foster, Josh Groban, Carole King, Maluma, Leslie Odom Jr., Allen Stone, Adrienne Warren, The Wailers, Stevie Wonder & Pitbull.
Special appearances by: Oprah Winfrey, Billy Crystal, Marc Anthony, Canelo Alvarez, Chico ‘The Gipsy’ Castillo
Hosted by: Whoopi Goldberg
Honouring the legacy of Florence Nightingale

Caught a really nice uni flashback via Instagram (between L.A. and Toronto) on Sunday when I watched Jadea (Jadea Kelly) have an informative chat with Caroline Brooks (from Good Lovelies!) and her hubby, Colin Love on Eco Entrepreneurship & Activism.

This will be the ONLY reference to American politics in this wonderful lego of the outgoing president of the United States as I eagerly welcome the incoming Joe Biden and Kamala Harris into the roles.

I've recently been able to catch more than just television shows these days including:

Say Her Name: Breonna Taylor' - A deep dive into
the evidence in the Breonna Taylor case, from 9-1-1 calls
and interrogation tapes to jail house calls, surveillance photos
and hundreds of pages of police records on 20/20 hosted
by David Muir and Amy Robach on Nov 20, 2020
SAYHERNAME #BreonnaTaylor
It astounds me on how the system works that a citizen can be so unsafe in their OWN house?!?!? I JUST DON'T GET IT...

Watched James Corden's portrayal of an out of work
musician employed by two men in playwright Richard Bean's
'One Man, Two Guvnors.' #BroadwayOnPBS

Tots enjoy the works that Corden takes part in always!!!

Also caught Billy Crystal's 700 Sundays on HBO and several movies;
the 1998 movie Meet Joe Black with Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins;
Rebel Wilson's Isn't It Romantic and
The Hummingbird Project starring Jesse Eisenberg, Alexander Skarsgård, Salma Hayek.

I'm going to try following the new American series, Big Sky, this evening. I saw last week's pilot and have yet to conclude whether it's worth following or not. hm...

There's so many souls that we have lost right now, the thought of having angels around us is very comforting, certainly to me.

- Patrick Dempsey on Ellen Nov 18, 2020 regarding making an appearance on Grey's Anatomy ALSO,

"I really love the message of what the dynamic is in this story. With everything that we're dealing with right now...I think that's what attracted me to this storyline, I think hit can be really helpful and healing to so many people."
- Patrick Dempsey on ET Nov 13, the day after the season premiere of season 17 Grey's Anatomy

I was mulling over my favourite television show drama's that I followed during uni days (gilmore girls, grey's anatomy, gossip girl, one tree hill, the o.c.) during my daily morning walk around the neighbourhood...and have concluded that they've all (except for grey's) concluded or wrapped up the series.
Now, I mostly watch talk shows (day time and late night) and THAT is very pessimistic. So, I get excited when grey's storyline (as well as Station 19) started again last week!

Also, a nice pick me up story in the news this morning was the rescue of a northern saw-whet owl stowaway (named Rockefeller aka Rocke for short after the Christmas tree it was picked up from was the Rockefeller Center tree) that happened to get by the checker the first time...which links so well with Derek's message to Meredith as well as adding some optimism to the day's stories!

We Remember...

Caught up on a zoom call with my Ry U girlfriends earlier this evening

BEFORE watching The 54th Annual CMA Awards #CMAawards hosted by Reba McEntire & Darius Rucker

Highlights included:
Bobby Bones presented Single of the Year to Maren Morris - The Bones Taylore Hill presented Song of the Year to Maren Morris - The Bones Lauren Akin presented New Artist of the Year to Morgan Wallen DiCrks Bentley presented Vocal Duo of the Year to Dan+Shay (@DanAndShay) Cece Winans presenting Reba McEntire & Darius Rucker where
Reba McEntire presented the Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award to Charlie Pride
Lauren Alaina & Patrick Schwartzeneggar presented Vocal Group of the Year to Old Dominion
Jake Owens presented Album of the Year to Luke Combs
Charles Esten presented Female Vocalist of the Year to Maren Morris
Sara Evans presented Male Vocalist of the Year to Luke Combs
Entertainer of the Year is Eric Church

Musical performances included:
- Dierks Bently, Brothers Osborne, @AshleyMcBryde; @JasonAldean
- Morgan Wallen
- Gabby Barrett & Charlie Puth
- Eric Church @EricChurchMusic
- Darius Rucker
- Ashley McBride
- Dan+Shay with Justin Bieber
- Luke Combs
- John Pardy
- Carly Pierce with Charles Kelley
- JimmyAllen
- Morgan & Chris Stapleton
- Ingrid Andress - More Hearts Than Mine
- Chris Tomlin/Reba McEntire/Thomas Rhett/ - In a World Full of Hate Be a Light @ThomasRhettAkins
- Brothers Osborne @BrothersOsborne
- Old Dominion
- Maren Morris @MarenMorris
- Kelsea Ballerini - Hold My Bottle @KelseaBallerini

Kane Brown - Purple Bag Project
Ambassador (Crown Royal)

2020 Scotiabank Giller Prize

Hosted virtually by Eric McCormack last night with Diana Krall as the musical act.

The finalists included:
Emily St. John Mandel - The Glass Hotel
Shani Mootoo - Polar Vortex
David Bergen - Here the Dark
Minna Koistinen - Glass Artist, Playing with Fire Souvankhan Thammavongsa - How to Pronounce Knife
Gil Adamson - Ridgerunner

Ian Williams - Winner of the 2019 Scotiabank Giller Prize presented

2020 Giller Prize Award:
Souvankhan Thammavongsa - How to Pronounce Knife

He set the bar for excellence. He set the bar for courage. R.I.P. Alex Trebek.

-Eugene Levy

RIP ALEX TREBEK

A Canadian treasure (known game show host) who taped his last Jeopardy! show (most noted for 36 years of the show's revival) ten days (Oct 29) before succumbing to his two year pancreatic cancer battle yesterday.

EDIT January 10, 2021

Wasn't a follower of Jeopardy but grew up knowing of Alex Trebek as the host of this intense game! I'd watched last week's final episodes as a kind of a homage that marked the end of an era to him.

Life is hard but it's also really funny so you might as well focus on the funny

Finally watched the May 12, 2020 The Happy Days of Garry Marshall tribute and my takeaways include:
-The Odd Couple
-Happy Days
-The Fonz/Fonzie - Ron Howard
-Laverne & Shirley
-Robin Williams/Pam Dawer - Mork & Mindy
-Pretty Woman/Runaway Bride -Julia Roberts & Richard Gere
-The Princess Diaries - Julie Andrews/Anne Hathaway/Hector Elizondo

Cameos:
John Stamos;Rob Lowe; Chris Pine; Hector Elizondo; Pam Dawer; Ashton Kutcher; Cary Elwes; Jennifer Garner; Anne Hathaway; Kate Hudson

Wishing one of my besties a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
May the day be celebrated in the most fabulous way possible, mon amie!!!!

Every Vote Counts: A Celebration of Democracy

Even though the show aired on October 29, 2020, I figure it's fitting to post now as the election is occuring tomorrow (although I'm not placing bets on when the winner will be revealed...). Due to the results from the last election, no one can be absolutely sure of who the next president is but MY vote would be for Mr. Joe Biden.

I am most relieved that I AM CANADIAN!!!

Included performances by:
Shawn Mendes: Wonder
Offset: Lick
Dan + Shay: When I pray for you
Black Eyed Peas & Maluma: Feel the beat
Alicia Keys & Brandi Carlile: Beautiful noice

Appearances by:
Coldplay
@Norah_Yarah_Rosa
Leonardo DiCaprio
Kelly Clarkson
Amy Schumer
Chris Rock
Lin-Manuel Miranda
Chris Martin
Lizzo
Cobie Smulders-moved from Canada 2004
Tan France - moved from the UK 2008
Natalie Portman

The Latinx Vote
- Jose Antonio Hernandez
- Maria Hino (author, hostNPR 'LatinoUSA')
- Hector Sanchez Flores 'Executicve Director, National Compadres Network'
- Jennifer Lopez
- Eva Longoria
- Ana Flores 'founder, We All Grow Latina'
- Wilmer Valderrama
- Salma Hayek Pinault

Happy Halloween!!!

I recognize that even though Halloween is tomorrow, I wanted to wish it earlier as today already feels like a celebration of Halloween! (Okay, not really but let's just go with a reason to celebrate!!!)

And THAT reason is because I had a TWO HOUR phone conversation with my bestie, S this arvo!!! Goodness, it's been wayyyyy too long since we last caught up...actually the last time was right after my birthday (ahaha, I'm totally laughing my arse off because I FINALLY know how to use the Starbucks gift card that you'd gifted me! Obvio more of a Timmies girl!) where we ALSO spoke for two hours...I suppose we make do with the long duration in between actual conversations...besides the constant random whatsapp convo spurts that we regularly take part in!

The best (and MOST IMPORTANT) update is regarding her father, yay!!! Such wonderful news that things are ALL good since his heart surgery two weeks ago!!!! ALWAYS sending ALL MY BEST LOVE to the fam!!!

Soooooo....the CELEBRATION has BEGUN!!! *woot woot*!!!!!

minor detail of weather relevance: I noticed on my walk this morning that it seems to be cold enough to break out the earmuffs again...oi!!!

Hi.

Disclaimer: The following is Chrissy Teigen's essay regarding 'Jack' and my heartfelt response to her:

I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened. I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address “what happened”.
Instead, I’m writing from the downstairs couch, still cozied up in a blanket but buzzing from a morning of friends and fried chicken. I’m reading off countless notes from my phone — thoughts that have randomly popped up in the weeks since. I didn’t really know how I would start this, no matter the room or state I was in, but it feels right to begin with a thank you. For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, “you probably won’t read this, but…”. I can assure you, I did.
But I will tell you, some of the best letters started with, “You don’t have to respond to this, but…”. After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness. Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to. For me, the “no need to respond” note was such a true relief. I thank you for each and every one of those.
One of the standout moments from that morning (or evening? I have no idea) was me going through the halls of labor and delivery, and John saying “What, is there a fucking party going on here??” Here we were, just wheeled down to a new floor, me covered in a thin blanket to hide, knowing I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later. People cheered and laughed right outside our door, understandably for a new life born and celebrated. You kind of wonder how anyone is thinking about anyone but you.
At this point I had already come to terms with what would happen: I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20 week old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms). I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a “safer” zone for the fetus. My doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption. I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in. I actually became an adult diaper expert for my own personal entertainment, truly appreciating the brands that went out of their way to not make me feel like an actual shitting baby. Some were blush colored, with drawn delicate flowers. I got to the point where I was actually like, “hell yeah, throw me the pink ones!” — something I never thought I’d be excited for. But there we were.
I could have spent these days at the hospital, but not much of a difference would have been made. I was still seen by doctors at home, silently twisting their negative words into positives, thinking that everything might still turn out okay. Finally, I had a pretty bad night in bed, after a not-so-great ultrasound, where I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount. My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.
After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all. Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.
I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.
I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.
After hours, I was able to relax, and decided I wanted to wait until I really, really knew it was over. I stupidly compared it to dogs I had “put down” in the past — how I never wanted to let go until we absolutely knew it was time, that they were suffering far too much. I texted this to my doctor and she said “absolutely.”.
Later that night, I went to the bathroom, looked down into the toilet (I had been doing this for months) and broke down again. The sheer amount of blood and clots showed me exactly what I had been waiting for. It was time.
I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience. I had always laughed about how much I loved epidurals…not so much this one. I laid there for hours, waiting to be told it was time to push. I obviously never had to dilate much, he was still a tiny little guy. I had been laying on my side, switching sides every hour or so, whenever the nurse told me to. I remember laying on my right side, looking opposite of John, when I was told to make my switch. I opened my legs and started to turn to face John and just like that, he was on his way out. The doctors yelled for a bit and…I don’t know what to say, even now. He was out. My mom, John and I each held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through Thai prayer. I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour.
I dunno how long he had been waiting to be delivered for. That will probably always haunt me. Just writing it makes my nose and eyes tingle with tears. All I know now is his ashes are in a small box, waiting to be put into the soil of a tree in our new home, the one we got with his room in mind.
People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full.
Maybe *too* bursting full, actually. I find myself randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love. I smother them with love while they “Moooooooom!!!!!” me. I don’t care.
I also cry when I get mad at myself for being too happy. Sometimes I read things that make me gut laugh, or see an instagram post worthy of a like (yes, I’m gone but I’ve still been creeping!). And, I always forget I’m not pregnant anymore. I hold my belly when I walk around. I have a moment of freak out when the kids jump on my non-existent bump. The clarity after these moments always make me sad.
I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public. I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will.
But the moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful. I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people will approach me with a note. The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won’t get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won’t pour them out at all.
These strangers always tell me that life will move on, just differently. They tell me to not let anyone tell me this was “God’s plan”, or that we will “have another soon”. Thanks to you, I will block this out forever.
I worry that people feel uncomfortable sharing their joy with me. I’m currently surrounded by the pregnant bellies of many close friends, and I can swear to you, nothing makes me more happy. I know your joy and I love you.
I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so. Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.
With so, so, so much love,
Chrissy

Hi Chrissy,
My condolences to you, John and the rest of your family for the loss of Jack. The optimist that I am, I was totally rooting for Jack (he’s a fighter!).
Even as you are still recovering from all of this, I want you to know that I went out of my way to read the note you had gone out of your way to write for anyone who has wants to know.
As gruesome as it may seem to you, I have always been interested in these things…I studied ‘biological anthropology’ in university (due to the fact that I had KNOWN I would never go into medicine) and just reading your heartfelt note am very thankful that you’ve invited me into your world (pain and all).
Unfortunately, I will NEVER be able to experience pregnancy due to cancer two years ago. THANK YOU for sharing, Chrissy. Because even though I cannot go through any of THE experiences (good or bad…as a side note-I agree…No, I don’t think you will ever forget the experience with Jack and you’re right…this isn’t a hole, it’s LOVE and FULL), it doesn’t mean that ever being a parent at all is off the table as the possibilities are endless in this world with so many unwanted children.
I DON’T HATE your photos as you exhibit the anthropologist similar to myself by feeling the need to document EVERYTHING.
As you say, ‘I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me’, I don’t hate the photos. I AM one of the curious who wonder what something that you’ve gone through is like. Please don’t hate me through judgment. Thank you, John and your family again for being open enough to let me imagine the experience of being a mother.
One last thing, of course you’ll move on but you’re not returning back to life….this IS life. Of COURSE you’re allowed to live life (as do I, and trust me when I tell you it’s not at all necessary for me to share more than a snippet of my own dramatic life…but that’s a novel for another time and date).
Sending the love back to you and the fam,

My dad used to always say ‘take the high road , there’s no traffic’...

- Billy Gardell & Folake Olowofoyeku from ‘Bob♥️Anishola’ on The Talk Sept 23, 2019

This is why I was never good at playing sports...Life's thrown me ANOTHER curveball.

And the main takeaway is that I should NEVER have let my guard down...AGAIN!!!
Ok, now it's time to pick myself up, dust off the dirt and get back in the game.

It's ALL about the stiff upper lip and taking the high road!

And the star of the Vice-Presidential Debate show would be...

It may have been a welcome distraction and ice-breaker to the
otherwise less dramatic debate last night.

Love the Lego comparison as well as the SNL jab, lol!

 

Finished outcome of the CIBC Run/Walk for the Cure with Fayewood yesterday!

Also sad to find out that French-Japanese fashion designer Kenzo Takada (famous for his jungle-infused designs) died from COVID-19 at age 81 this weekend...RIP 

remdesivir…

This pandemic has been taking a toll on everyone's social activities. And it's obvious with the rise in cases due to everyone becoming inherently loose on staying socially distant as this against people's social nature (including myself). 

In my attempt to maintain my own socializing while staying within the pandemic guidelines, I participated in a Zoom/WhatsApp catch up with my Ry U gals Wednesday evening.  The reason why we took advantage of living in the first-world society to use two apps at the same time was due to the fact that I'd recently purchased a new laptop. Even though I have the Zoom App, it was too late in the evening to get computer tech help (I was able to see the girls on the screen BUT unable to connect the sound...so we were conversing via WhatsApp, 😝).  It was a really nice rendezvous but the main downfall (for me) was the timing (as we'd originally aimed to start at 8pm but due to Ana's son being at the age of causing ruckus

instead of sleeping, we'd pushed it back an hour in hopes that he'd be out then...) but it was worth it (for one night, 😈)!  We've already planned our next online meeting in a month and a half!

Then yesterday I met up with Fayewood after work to add to our CIBC Walk/Run for the Cure distance mileage.  

 

 She brought along a mask (thanks for the gift, bella!!!) that her coworker had made in a fundraising project.  So I've now another face accessory especially for our walk on Sunday (wrap up day)! 

Thanks to Ling, I was sent these updates as to how my Aussie side of the family are doing at this time!

  

                   I must say Lachlan's                   Kara's the perfect               BeAUtiFUL cake the girl's

                   expression has been                        auntie!!!                            made!  I trust it was

                   genetically transferred                                                                   deLISH!!!!

                   over to Edward!!! 😆

Awww, such happy faces of my Aussie nieces and nephews (Krystal, Kara, Aaron, Tim & Edward)!!!

 💖 the bat outfit!!!

And here in the Tdot was part of my dinner...awesome lobster from Tasty's!!!

 

Disclaimer...The distance achieved is the overall amount that's been accumulated since the beginning of September (not just from today...😉)

Went out for an after work walk (working towards the CIBC Run/Walk for the Cure) with Fayewood around my neighbourhood park and stopped off for some bbtea (minus the bubbles) along the way!

Although caught 15 mins of Ayesha Curry's Instagram chat with Michelle Obama as I was waiting...😍

72nd Emmy Awards

Jimmy Kimmel hosted the show with D-Nice last night! 

 

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series - Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series - Eugene Levy, Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series - Daniel Levy, Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series - Andrew Cividino, Daniel Levy, Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series - Daniel Levy, Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series - Annie Murphy, Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Comedy Series - Schitt's Creek

Outstanding Variety Talk Series - Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movies - Regina King, Watchmen

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie - Mark Ruffalo, I Know This Much is True

Outstanding Writing for a Limited Series, Movie or a Dramatic Special - Damon Lindelof, Cord Jefferson, Watchmen

Outstanding Directing for a Limited Series, Movie or a Dramatic Special - Maria Schrader, Unorthodox

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie - Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Watchmen

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie - Uzo Aduba, Mrs. America

Outstanding Limited Series - Watchmen

Outstanding Competition Program - RuPaul's Drag Race

H.E.R. - In Memorium

Regis Philbin, Host

Naya Rivera, Actor

Adam Schlesinger, Songwriter

Carroll Spinney, Actor

Herb Granath, Executive

Dorothy D.C. Fontana, Writer

James Lipton, Host

Jim Lehrer, Broadcaster

Shirley Knight, Actor

Robert Conrad, Actor

Silvio Horta, Writer

Robert Forster, Actor

Thomas L. Miller, Producer

Lee Mendelson, Producer

Rick Ludwin, Executive

Fred Willard, Actor

Jas Waters, Writer

Brian Dennehy, Actor

Leonard Goldberg, Producer

David Bellisario, Producer

Rene Auberjonois, Actor

Rip Taylor, Actor

Mary Rose, Costume Designer

Ken Osmond, Actor

Hugh Downs, Broadcaster

Lynn Shelton, Director

Wilford Brimley, Actor

Jerry Stiller, Actor

Ian Holm, Actor

Kellye Nakahara, Actor

Gener Reynolds, Director

Buck Henry, Writer

Lyle Waggoner, Actor

Bill Macy, Actor

John Witherspoon, Actor

Phyllis George, Sportscaster

Nanci Ryder, Publicist

Diana Rigg, Actor

Gil Schwartz, Executive

Diahann Carroll, Actor

Sumner Redstone, Executive

Max Von Sydow, Actor

Fred Silverman, Executive

Carl Reiner, Actor

Ja'net Dubois, Actor

Kirk Douglas, Actor

Chadwick Boseman, Actor

Oprah presented Tyler Perry with the Governors Award

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series - Zendaya, Euphoria

             

Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series - Jesse Armstrong, Succession

Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series - Andrij Parekh

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series - Billy Crudup, The Morning Show

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series - Julia Garner, Ozark

Outstanding Drama Series - Succession

Randall Park and an alpaca gave an award! 😎

My favourite drop-in was The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel's (& Gilmore Girls!!!) Amy Sherman Pallandino  and Daniel Pallandino making an appearance!!!