it's true...when life gives you lemons...you can clone them and make super lemons...or you can eat hashbrowns. (the former is from clone high, and the latter is what i do)

so far, life has decided to have fun with me, and has been THROWING lemons at me. it's been pretty hard to dodge them all, and i've been getting hit a couple of times, but i'm working really hard at letting them roll off my back. in the words of andrea "life is a series of mountains and valleys, the trick is to find the highest mountain"

sometimes i wonder if i'm too nice. too nice in the sense that ppl would take advantage of the fact that i'd let things go ...and stomp on me. i don't have a hard skin, i take many things to heart, and even though i try really hard, it's difficult for me to keep my emotions in check. most ppl who meet me think i'm fun and sociable, and always happy. i've always had that problem. ppl would see me as this perpetually happy "little" (i'm not very little anymore) girl and would always be surprised when they see my not so happy side. what? like i'm not human?

i've always told myself to try and hide my emotions. i believe that showing one's emotions is a weakness. i usually do a pretty good job, but lately, my emotions have been getting the best of me. when i haven't been doing my readings (which i'm behind in ALREADY), i've been mulling over the fact that, third year has gotten off to a rough start. since the beginning, it's sucked. i don't know if it's because i'm beginning to see a different side to some ppl (oh, how i wish i was still the naive little girl i was in first year) or if perhaps it's me that's changing and straying apart from the pack. i wouldn't necessarily say i'm going through ANOTHER quarter-life crisis. maybe i am, but i don't want to think that. maybe i'm just being overwhelmed with the amount of work and stress that's been going on. after all, i haven't really had a DECENT break in a while.

perhaps it's just the time of the year, i'm beginning to really miss the good old highschool days with my abbey girls. i haven't seen them in a long while, and i starting to worry about my ability to laugh with abandon. i haven't had any HEARTY LAUGHING FITS in a very very long time. i wonder if it's part of growing up. i hope not. i love laughing too much to give it up. but nothing seems to really amuse me anymore. sometimes i find my own laughing...almost...fake...and that scares me.

oh i have so much reading to do.