i'm feeling particularly stressed right now. i'm not exactly sure what it is...but i'm willing to bet it has something to do with not enough time to finish readings, and assignments and reports are looming up ahead. i guess it's also cuz i just attended yet another boring and pointless phl281 lecture and it's making me wonder whether or not it's worth going to class anymore. yet i'm too chicken to miss half a lec or not attend at all. plus, no matter how much i read, i'm still behind in my readings...i wonder why? maybe the readings are the size of novels?!?!?!? honestly, in order to keep up with your readings, it's mandatory that you have no life. i'm wondering how much it's worth to actually do the readings...even though you spend such a fortune on them. and to imagine that i thought i'd have time on my hands...HA!

i've also decided that i really don't like school so much in the fall/winter. why? because there's simply too many people here. i don't know if it's partly the double cohort, or what...but i feel that i can't go anywhere to simply chillax. the back office is null (no one uses it, i wonder why? it's so nice back there) and other places that i used to go during the summer are always packed full of people. just getting this computer at gerstein was pure luck. i can't take naps at UC anymore. time to make new guy friends! hahahaha (jokes)

now i'm just wasting time because i don't want to read....and because i want to piss off some people who are staring at me to get off the computer. hahaha. i guess they want to use it for important stuff such as checking email??

TOO BAD.

Where do we go, nobody knows
Don't ever say you're on your way down when
God gave you style and gave you grace,
And put a smile upon your face oh yeah

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

I hear the sound of the ticking of clocks
Who remember your face
Who remembers you when you are gone

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

what a great toga party!! of course, i was one of the few ppl who went in normal clothing, and i was the one who felt out of place. the toga's were out in full force, with the normal white colors along with pink, red, purple and even green! i didn't even think of bringing a bedsheet with me, oh well. lots of ppl that i hadn't seen in a long time...jason juhatz, matt flanigan, nicole, patterson...and then there was everyone else. it was aaron's birthday that night and he was sooo drunk! so much fun!

of course, there was one shadow cast upon that night has been with me since. as my dad was driving me to smc, he revealed to me that my grandma was moving out of the house. of course this came as a huge shock to me. i haven't been home at all for awhile now, and i don't even see her very much, even if she DOES live at home with me. and now i wish that i hadn't found out about this so late. she's leaving TOMORROW, to go to a nice chinese seniors home up in richmond hill. now i wish i'd spent more time with her while she's still been around.

i remember while i was still in highschool (with time on my hands), i'd watch chinese soap operas with at night, and we discuss the crazy story lines and enjoy each other's company. i'd always been there with her to talk about anything we wanted, from visiting her friends, to the past when she lived in HK, dad growing up......ever since she fell last christmas and broke her arm, i've seemed to have lost touch with her.

it seems that everything changes, even things that you always think won't. they do. nothing remains the same.

thus, the coldplay lyrics are attributed to her.

Thought of the Day:
Never hold your farts in,
They travel up your spine into your brain...
And that's when you get crap ideas.

hahahaha. hilarious. gotta thank jene for that email.

joe figs and mike muir are in my ant204 class. kickass. and the lecturer let us out early today cuz she talks fast and digresses, and i have a tutorial at 8pm so that means i can't go home yet. damn tutorial. i had to switch to this damnass late one cuz i have practical next semester that's from 9-1pm and then i have class from 1-2, 2-3:30, 4:30-5:30 (groove nation! which i didn't go to today...and i'm blaming that on georges...wow, it's been awhile since i've mentioned him, huh? hahahaha...but i digress...), 6-8, which leaves 8-9 for....tutorial...

so i met flo today to go to school, and who had she picked up at the station?!?!?!? yup....steve conte. wow it's been a long time since i've seen that boy. AND plus he was wongie and bozek's frosh leader...coool. and plus i realized the other day that ppl in london don't start school until october...lucky lucky.

ah i'm tired. i stayed up until 1am this morning...not because i was doing work....yeh right...nope, i was watching...gilmore girls. hahahaha. i love that show. and then after, i was going to go to bed, but there's this new tv series called "one tree hill" and chad michael murray's in it...so then i HAD to watch that too! and now i'm soooo tired...luckily there's this thing called COFFEEEEEE!!!!! whooohooo.

damn it, i should go to class now.

what a retarded day. i was in an element of fiery temperment by the end of class. the goddamn wind and rain combined with my cheapass $5 chinatown umbrella just didn't work, the umbrella kept flipping out...and then i raged about my predicament to jenny. i had a headache all day, i think it was from the weather. i almost fell asleep in bioethics, tee and i were dying of boredom (plus i had my headache going on at that time), so i started popping pills (okok, just a tylenol but come on, doesn't it sound more dramatic the way i put it?)

ran about 10 laps at queen's park today so that was fun. it didn't start to rain until around 11am, so i didn't run in the rain.

i'm so mad at myself. i'm craving something, but i'm not sure what it is that i want to eat, and i'm basically eating everything from rice crackers, granola, and cookies...but i'm not satisfying the craving....i have a sneaking suspicion that i want to eat frozen yogurt....or....hashbrowns!

confusion reigns


first off, it's raining. i never really enjoyed being in the rain. i love the SOUND of rain, but i don't like being wet. it makes my hair frizzy and then i get cold. and sometimes if the rain texture is just right, and the drops are falling on my head, it tickles my head. and then i won't stop laughing.

went out to dinner with faye and karina yesterday at....oja's. we were "celebrating" faye's birthday...oh, and mine too. it was kinda funny because we were going to go to the madison for food and drinks, but karina forgot her ID, and then we were reduced to being 18 yrs old again, and wandering around looking for someplace to eat. the bill was the cheapest we'd seen in ages (and that's good!) especially since i've been spending money like my life depended on it. not on clothes, mind you, but on stupid stupid books. ok...maybe they're not all that stupid, but they ARE EXPENSIVE. $170 on ONE course. but at least i have all my books now. i've discovered that if i carry no money on me, i'd spend no money on coffee. but as soon as i have money on me, i just spend it on some frivolous item...such as a postcard for ms. bozek. or coffee, or food...and it goes on until i'm broke again.

i'm hoping to call tanaka tonight. shit's been stirring in the pot, and it's not good. to be getting drunk on a thursday night when she's got school the next morning, means serious business. luckily, karina will be visiting tomorrow so hopefully she can help clear things up. i'm only sorry that i won't be coming up this weekend, the phone will have to do. however, faywood and i will try to come up sometime in november. hang on!!!!!

you know, life would be boring if we didn't have our crisis' but sometimes there's just TOO MUCH.

then, i believe that would be called stress.

it's true...when life gives you lemons...you can clone them and make super lemons...or you can eat hashbrowns. (the former is from clone high, and the latter is what i do)

so far, life has decided to have fun with me, and has been THROWING lemons at me. it's been pretty hard to dodge them all, and i've been getting hit a couple of times, but i'm working really hard at letting them roll off my back. in the words of andrea "life is a series of mountains and valleys, the trick is to find the highest mountain"

sometimes i wonder if i'm too nice. too nice in the sense that ppl would take advantage of the fact that i'd let things go ...and stomp on me. i don't have a hard skin, i take many things to heart, and even though i try really hard, it's difficult for me to keep my emotions in check. most ppl who meet me think i'm fun and sociable, and always happy. i've always had that problem. ppl would see me as this perpetually happy "little" (i'm not very little anymore) girl and would always be surprised when they see my not so happy side. what? like i'm not human?

i've always told myself to try and hide my emotions. i believe that showing one's emotions is a weakness. i usually do a pretty good job, but lately, my emotions have been getting the best of me. when i haven't been doing my readings (which i'm behind in ALREADY), i've been mulling over the fact that, third year has gotten off to a rough start. since the beginning, it's sucked. i don't know if it's because i'm beginning to see a different side to some ppl (oh, how i wish i was still the naive little girl i was in first year) or if perhaps it's me that's changing and straying apart from the pack. i wouldn't necessarily say i'm going through ANOTHER quarter-life crisis. maybe i am, but i don't want to think that. maybe i'm just being overwhelmed with the amount of work and stress that's been going on. after all, i haven't really had a DECENT break in a while.

perhaps it's just the time of the year, i'm beginning to really miss the good old highschool days with my abbey girls. i haven't seen them in a long while, and i starting to worry about my ability to laugh with abandon. i haven't had any HEARTY LAUGHING FITS in a very very long time. i wonder if it's part of growing up. i hope not. i love laughing too much to give it up. but nothing seems to really amuse me anymore. sometimes i find my own laughing...almost...fake...and that scares me.

oh i have so much reading to do.

so i'm in the middle of reading this incredibly long anthropological paper and i decided to blog...great...now i've resorted to procrastinating AFTER i've begun my work.

the past week has been long, stressful and frustrating. i don't think i'll ever get into ant334 so i've enrolled in ant204 which actually seems pretty good, although the prof seems to be the type that goes off topic, whatever... and the prof for ant434 has given me permission to take her course without the ant334 prerequisite but the anthropology coordinator is giving me trouble for god knows why. i guess it's just to add to the whole stress experience. since i'm not in ant334 anymore, i'm now going to school 3 days a week. and it's not like my 3 days are crammed full of school...nooooo...infact it seems pretty surreal to me. i think it's crazy.

i've seen so many people this week it's insane. met up with ava on monday, spent half the day with charlene on tuesday helping her around campus because she just transferred from queens and afterall, u of t st. george is a hugeass campus and a map just doesn't cut it. i've discovered that my joint anthro-linguistic course is going to be kickass, considering that i never knew that my prof is some renowned semiotic person, marcel danesi, and i knew that it would be good because he started off his lecture saying "so, i forgot that i had to teach this course tonight, and i've only just printed off your course outlines..." fun fun. let's just say that i don't need timmy's for tuesday nights.

i think i'll probably still sit in on the ant334 lectures. that way i can still gain the information i need for ant434 and then be ahead of my fellow classmates whenever i decide (or when rosi decides) to take this course.

went out to dinner with patty on friday and we were going to visit her sister, rosita, at her dance class...but unfortunately, patty's mom needed to go to the hospital so we're all now praying that everything will be alright. queenie brought her "boyfriend" (i have boyfriend in brackets because she claims that they are only seeing each other and nothing else...this "seeing" has been going on for awhile too....hmmm...hahaha) to the studio and monica was having mini-heartattacks because they would leave the door closed...speaking of heartattacks, i had one in the middle of the u of t bookstore thursday night when i went to buy books with one of nao's friends, nicola. the photocopied book i was buying was priced at $105 but on the internet it said $38. so i died...but then i became resigned and decided i'd have to buy the book as i had no other choice, and then at the cash register it was discovered that the book WAS $38 so then i recovered. talk about killing the heart. i also would have gone to visit steve (nao's boyfriend) as it was his birthday, but alas, i had no present and it got pretty late before they left so i went home.

saturday was great because ALL my students came for class, which means i'm making $$$ again (with no hugeass gaps) and then after work, i went rollerblading with karen and eugene at my park which was great! karen's mom insisted on taking me out to dinner afterward (claiming it was my birthday dinner) and we went to swiss chalet, where she entertained us with her stories as a piano teacher (or as she claims, a MEAN piano teacher...hahaha!) and since it was quite unexpected that i'd be out all night saturday, i got no homework done, which is not exceptionally great.

so now i have to finish my readings, and hence, my procrastination is finished for now.

what a fun day.

just hanging around downtown campus and you run into sooo many people...old and new. saw tom as i went by the AC to pickup the activities schedule, and then ran into john colarchal and matt flanigan and christine. ran into gap boy, stephan, at the registrars office and had a revelation...apparently more then one guy "liked" me while i was working at the gap...interesting...yet at the same time, disturbing. met up with ava for "lunch" and stuff. it was great. flo has beautiful hair, she doesn't believe me when i tell her it's awesome, so in the end i tell her it looks awful and then she's happy. weird girl.

i picked up my dress from formal today. hahaha. i've been waiting for that dress since forever! caroline brooks borrowed it to wear to the formal (as i wore something else) and she added such a pretty piece of lace to the bottom of it. i might wear it to this years formal...and maybe add a colorful shawl or something...as it's BLACK...

tee's in my phl281 class and it's fun...so far. the professor is expected to become dull but that's ok, this is my "light" course. i'm ok in ANT434. the professor says it's alright for me to be taking the course so i'm happy about that...the thing i'm NOT happy about is the fact that i'm STILL not in ANT334 and i'm PROBABLY NOT going to be in it. and i don't know what i'll be taking to fill that whole because i suddenly have no classes...i won't need to go to school for 4 days. i'm still praying to get into that class tho. (ok, maybe not really praying, but whatever)

omg, so ERIC is in my classes again. YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT. he's the annoying shithead that goes to class and tells people he's posting the notes on the internet, or he fakes a heartattack to go to another class...and worst of all, he turns around to stare at you...guys and girls...beware.

everyone, i have an announcement to make... I AM STILL ALIVE!!!

of course...i have no voice...but that's alright, everyone needed a break from it anyway. and once it comes back, it'll be all sexy. hahaha, you can call me anytime! ;p

so frosh week was a great success. i really enjoyed it soooo much. i wish MY frosh week was this good! i think our coordinators did a great job, but i also think that it's our marshals and spirit squad people who really made it happen. without them, it would never have worked!

i know you all want to know what took so much of my time this week so here are some memorable moments of frosh week:

TUESDAY:
- registration of over 600 frosh: "..and this red ticket is for your frosh shirt which you give to the marshal, show your shirt to get your SAC kit and head to the field to see your group...and this lanyard is cuz you're cool!"
- the unrolling of the SMC banners at invocation for joe figs! SMC IS THE BEST! thanks very much.
- smc challenge..."let's get naked!" (that was MY activity...i'll leave that up to the imagination...heehee) gaining points with frosh leaders georges, mu, fay, howe and gordon...i will not divulge WHY. hahahaha.
- smc graffiti: omg, what a headache...some stupid mofo's (leaders) went and chalked up (defaced) the trinity chapel and we (tee, immanuel, and i...along with an innocent group who we thought were the original culprits) went and cleaned it up. man they were scared shitless...it's freaking TRINITY.
- DUKE OF YORK: getting there late and standing in line...but then immanuel went and talked to the ppl at the door and i got in...sweet...tony making sure i got back to smcsu at 3:30am...i had no blankets or pillows...so thanks to tony for the blanket and brian for the pillow....THANKS GUYS!

WEDNESDAY:
- medieval times BAYBEEE!!!! we ended up getting there 45 mins late because of bus problems...and then brandon, joe and i sat at the wrong table...whatever...and then we were cheering for the bad guy...THAT was fun!...and then we crammed 93 ppl into a magic school bus...because we almost took off, leaving some frosh behind!
- ENGINEERING PARTY AT FORT YORK: man...finally meeting the legendary anna, what a great person! ...after THREE mike's hard cranberries...simone's my new best friend, standing (but not really standing...) and talking with nao and steve...going "home" in a cab with nick...and this is the best...joe fig's priceless expression in the morning when i opened mike's door in his t-shirt...(that's best to leave also to the imagination...hahahaha...again, i'm open to phone calls!)

THURSDAY:
- going to smcsu in the clothes i was wearing the night before..."this is what happens to asian girls gone wrong!" ahahaha.
- getting addicted to tim horton's coffee...AGAIN! (arrgh...)
- BED RACES against the engineers! (the engineer's are HILARIOUS! they had two beds and "broke" their "good" one racing against themselves!)
- going over to new college in a golf cart with a whole bunch of frosh (engineer's and smc) and getting them to come over to the bed races (SMC WON THEM ALL)
- mock protest against pants...god it never fails to kill me!

at this point, my voice is long gone and every time i call my mum, she freaks out because she thinks i'm getting really really sick. so i go home for some much deserved sleep and am now nursing my poor voice back. there was also a casino night and an auction thursday night, a boat cruise friday and today there's wonderland. i don't know how that went but i'm assuming it went well.

now i have to hope that classes go well too...plus it's time to save my shopping $$$ on books....yipes.

whoa whoa....HEY!!!!!

where did the summer go?!?!?!? i swear that i just blinked and it was gone...(well maybe it's also because i didn't really have a summer...but whatever...)

everyone is moving into rez today! i spoke to mu last night and he was doing some crazy packing! i'm so excited for everyone. PLUS i was totally cracking this morning when i was reading the newspapers and they were going on and on about how parents are so afraid and sad of letting go their "babies"...and wanting to see report cards and stuff. that was sooo my parents 2 years ago...oh WAIT...they're STILL like that. the fact that i'm staying downtown for 2 nights is bugging the heck out of them. it's really a sad thing. they've been lecturing me all day about what time i'm sleeping (yeh right...like i'm gonna sleep or something) and about drinking in moderation (that one had me in stitches for a while) and yada yada yada....i mean seriously...gotta learn to fly solo...

spoke on the phone with my big bro, carl. he's great. i think we're meeting up tomorrow when we go out partying (oops...i meant...when i go to bed...haha) and it'll be sooo great to see him again after so long.

that's the other thing. i can't wait to see everyone again. that's the only sucky thing about not being in school. you can't socialize as much. you only see select and important people, not really random. i can't wait to see who are in my classes and who i'm going to workout with (hopefully, ava, as our schedules didn't match last year, i hope they work out this year).

no pants for the mock protest...gotta love them undies!