guess where i am? that's right...school...well, gerstein to be specific. i really enjoy the libraries (well, the university as a whole) during the summer time because there are WAYYYYYYYY less people (i hate crowds...). yup, i just got another indicator of how u of t wants to screw me over. on the bright side, 9 more half courses and i'm out of here!

i've been rudely jolted out of my summer dream of just relaxing and no worrying. HA. why i even think that could happen is beyond me. i guess it's one of those "you gotta dream" kinda things. anyway, the point is, i was informed quite bluntly that i'm not being serious enough about my projects and that if i don't shape up, i'm going to be a deadweight. #1. it's fucking summertime, and this project is a work in progress STARTING in september but not even due to start until JANUARY. #2. this has me seriously considering if i WANT to stay on this project if i'm going to pushed around and made to feel awful all year round, and #3. i've come to the sad realization that i really don't have the same love and devotion to my college that i once had in my innocent first year, and maybe it IS for the best if i resign now.

this along with another self-discovery: sometimes no matter how hard you try to keep things afloat, sometimes it's best to let things go. i've exhausted myself trying to keep up with my friends and family, and suddenly it's clear that while i can go out of my way to be a good person, friend and daughter, not everyone is on the same level. i can't continue killing myself to make selfish people happy, it's time i put myself first and make ME happy. of course this is going to be difficult, it's hard to put a philosophy into play, but i have good friends and family that are willing to help me in this "change".

on another note: it's interesting how small our world is. steve, simone and i found ourselves shopping at promenade mall yesterday after the movie we wanted to see (the notebook, oh yes, you can laugh at that) was sold out. we walked into jean machine and while simone was trying on some clothes, the salesgirl approached me and asked "so...are you going out with jason?" i stared back at her (like she was crazy) and informed her that no i wasn't dating jason (for the record, i don't know any jason's), and for that matter, i wasn't dating anyone! she apologized and said she asked because i looked familiar. fine, we all had a good laugh and steve and i continued waiting for simone. then the salesgirl came BACK and asked if i was SURE i wasn't dating anyone, and i said i'm pretty sure...and then she came around AGAIN and asked if i wasn't sitting on the lawn the other day. at the last question, i suddenly remembered that yes, i WAS sitting on my neighbor's lawn on monday evening with JACOB, but how the hell she knew that, i had no idea...until she told me that she was the girl sitting in the back seat of greg's car (with greg and terry) when they were passing by! it's funny because i didn't get a good look at her that night so there was no way i could ever had recognized her, and then when simone mentioned that steve was a friend of greg and jacob, she didn't recognize steve and only about AN HOUR later did steve realize who she was.

it's a small world after all...