i just found two more articles on a paper that was due today, i also just had 5 spring rolls, and about 8 handfuls of nuts, washed down with diet cola from costco...am i pregnant?!?!?! i'm a wreak. i think i'm pregnant.

i can't decide what is more exhausting...to go out partying or to study!  after a weekend of late LATE nights and then a test monday, i'm just soooooo tired!  i don't know how you people do it.  i lost half my voice after the evanescence concert, and i have a little teeny cold that i only know i have because i have the sniffles.  juju's account of the concert is pretty accurate, so no elaboration needed there.  

jacob's birthday bash at lucidworld was pretty good.  well, except for the part where the hip hop room was MUCH too small for the amount of people that wanted to dance in there, and it was hot, crowded and LOUD, but it was all for fun's sake.  of course, there was the usual drama before hand, which included simone forgetting her driver's license at home, so we had to go get it, and then she somehow left it in the fridge...(don't ask...it's too much to handle.) as well, tanaks was missing most of the day and we didn't know if we should pick her up or what, but she somehow turned up at my place while we were out getting simone's license, and mom was all freaked out when the doorbell rang because she had just showered and was in her pj's.  (hahaha, i'm sorry, but that was just too funny!)  having the girls there was nice because it's been awhile since we've all been out together...montreal in august will be interesting!  ;p

friday was georges' bbq of steaks and wine (+ beer), and we had such an amazing time there, i don't know why we didn't stay longer!  the house he's staying at is GORGEOUS, with his own plasma tv, a rooftop patio and the whole house to himself!  it was really good seeing the sorbara guys as i hadn't seen them in sooooo long!  lauren and lisa were there too, as well as some of the guys' girlfriends so there was a nice mix of girls and guys.  steve and chad showed up to pick up simone and i, so we could all give jacob (mr. birthday boy) his presents that i so enjoyed shopping for.  shopping is so theraputic for me...especially since i was so excited when i bought the most gorgeous pair of heels at aldo with tanaka...oh my poor bank account...and on borrowed money too!  hahahaha. 

i'm happy to say the weather held out for my outtings so i'm quite content.  my only other goal this summer is to hit up a beach sometime before school begins.  i've been wandering around the house with my bikini top on in hopes that the weather would be nice enough and that we'd have the time to go out...sooon...

cat, you don't even want to know how long and hard i laughed when i got your "long glance", i WILL definitely send you some stupid silly emails (i have a bad habit of forgetting to do that) i hope you're having a great time in spain!  i love reading about your excavation accounts!  ;p  oh, and don't forget to drink for me too!  please, if you have time, send me a hot boy home, k?  mwah!  hahahaha. 

what an exciting and funfilled weekend.  it included a wicked ass bbq with a high patio and st. mike's friends, a night of clubbing at lucidworld with some abbey girls and the jacob crowd, and an evanescence concert with my sister and cousins that just blew me away.  i have a test tomorrow that i should start studying for so i'll probably have more time to spend on more of the highlights afterwards.  there was just an episode that bothered me and i needed to get it off my chest. 
 
perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
 
never was and never will be
have you no shame?
don't you see me?
you know you've got everybody fooled
 
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
 
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
 
without the mask
where will you hide?
can't find yourself
lost in your lies
 
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
 
it never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
 
it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool
 
- evanescence
 
this is for you, you know who you are and i hope you get it.  if you don't know who you are or you don't get it, well too bad.  that just means you don't know me and if you think about it...you're not worth my time and effort. 

i went to a rehabilitation orientation at the university center, and i'm looking forward to playing for the geriatric ward. the coordinator was so excited when she found out that i teach piano. hahaha, i'll never get away from playing piano...

hahahahaha...what was i thinking when i said a couple posts back that i'd have so much time on my hands and nothing to do? well, as immanuel said to me today "i'm too busy socializing!" that being said, it's great to see immanuel, i don't see him enough! i love catching up...all i do is chatter away...hahahaha!

it's true, it's so bad, but i'm having friends asking me out to go places but i'm having such a hard time keeping track of what and when, that i've been forced to bust out a mini-calendar to keep me on track (yes, you all know the purple/orange notebook that i use during the year...i was trying to steer clear of THAT! that's heavy duty organizing!) maybe i should just post an online calendar and people can fill in their own time slots! ;p

georges is planning a bbq at the house he's sitting for, and we met up yesterday, and man...i haven't seen that boy in AGES!!!!! since before the end of exams?!?!?! i went to japan, he went to guadeloupe...and now we're BACK! whoo! i forgot how much fun we are when we get together! soooo.....bbq friday!

But you gotta make choices, be wrong or right,
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like,
But I was born to try

- delta goodrem

i'm so happy that i'm seeing people i haven't seen in such a long time. i find that we're all so busy, that sometimes we lose contact with people by accident...and then it comes to a point when you don't feel right contacting them, so out of the blue...gotta keep the people you love around...and sometimes it involves effort, without trying you'll get nothing...nothing falls in your lap, you've got to try...

there's an angel watching over you...

i can't sleep. i keep thanking god over and over again for having an angel watch out for one of my loved ones. what i would do without her i have no idea. i'm so grateful that the boys were there to keep her company and make sure she was ok, i love those boys. i know, jacob keeps telling me over and over not to kick myself and no one's to blame, freak accidents happen. but somehow i still think over in my head, the many stupid things that lead to this circumstance...definitely gives a different perspective as to how i take this world for granted. i'll cherish my loved ones with a deeper passion and greater respect, and not dwell on the little petty and selfish people who aren't worth a penny for their thoughts.

life goes on, it's how you make the most of it that counts...

guess where i am? that's right...school...well, gerstein to be specific. i really enjoy the libraries (well, the university as a whole) during the summer time because there are WAYYYYYYYY less people (i hate crowds...). yup, i just got another indicator of how u of t wants to screw me over. on the bright side, 9 more half courses and i'm out of here!

i've been rudely jolted out of my summer dream of just relaxing and no worrying. HA. why i even think that could happen is beyond me. i guess it's one of those "you gotta dream" kinda things. anyway, the point is, i was informed quite bluntly that i'm not being serious enough about my projects and that if i don't shape up, i'm going to be a deadweight. #1. it's fucking summertime, and this project is a work in progress STARTING in september but not even due to start until JANUARY. #2. this has me seriously considering if i WANT to stay on this project if i'm going to pushed around and made to feel awful all year round, and #3. i've come to the sad realization that i really don't have the same love and devotion to my college that i once had in my innocent first year, and maybe it IS for the best if i resign now.

this along with another self-discovery: sometimes no matter how hard you try to keep things afloat, sometimes it's best to let things go. i've exhausted myself trying to keep up with my friends and family, and suddenly it's clear that while i can go out of my way to be a good person, friend and daughter, not everyone is on the same level. i can't continue killing myself to make selfish people happy, it's time i put myself first and make ME happy. of course this is going to be difficult, it's hard to put a philosophy into play, but i have good friends and family that are willing to help me in this "change".

on another note: it's interesting how small our world is. steve, simone and i found ourselves shopping at promenade mall yesterday after the movie we wanted to see (the notebook, oh yes, you can laugh at that) was sold out. we walked into jean machine and while simone was trying on some clothes, the salesgirl approached me and asked "so...are you going out with jason?" i stared back at her (like she was crazy) and informed her that no i wasn't dating jason (for the record, i don't know any jason's), and for that matter, i wasn't dating anyone! she apologized and said she asked because i looked familiar. fine, we all had a good laugh and steve and i continued waiting for simone. then the salesgirl came BACK and asked if i was SURE i wasn't dating anyone, and i said i'm pretty sure...and then she came around AGAIN and asked if i wasn't sitting on the lawn the other day. at the last question, i suddenly remembered that yes, i WAS sitting on my neighbor's lawn on monday evening with JACOB, but how the hell she knew that, i had no idea...until she told me that she was the girl sitting in the back seat of greg's car (with greg and terry) when they were passing by! it's funny because i didn't get a good look at her that night so there was no way i could ever had recognized her, and then when simone mentioned that steve was a friend of greg and jacob, she didn't recognize steve and only about AN HOUR later did steve realize who she was.

it's a small world after all...

the weather has been gorgeous and it's making me really excited about hitting up a beach or a cottage up north! i want to suntan! simone and i even bought the cutest bikini's at aqua the other day, so now i need an excuse to wear it! ;p

my computer is being stupid again. it won't let me log into ANYTHING. no hotmail, no utoronto account, no gmail, no blogger...no matter, i have two other computers to mess around with. hahaha. but i know this inconvenience will eventually drive me crazy.

after shopping all friday afternoon (hence the new bikini's!!!!), simone and i accidently mooched a sushi dinner off of patty and her 2 friends that came in from the states! (i say accidentally because we were fully going to pay for the meal but ken and matt decided they would treat us ladies...who's to say no to that? ;p) it was really nice of them as the sushi place we went to wasn't exactly CHEAP, but the food was good, and the guys ordered cold sake wine...oh man, i got sooooo giggly it was so funny!

afterwards, simone came over and we watched a couple of episodes of sex and the city (that's our goal, to watch the whole series this summer..hahaha) before we headed out at 10:30pm to jordon's house party. this is the best part...jordon lives 2 mins away in my neighbourhood, and you can't even imagine how great it is to just walk out of the house and walk to a party. it's a lot different then going to a party downtown toronto where you have factor in the time it takes to go DOWN and back UP and plus the subway and buses...just the biggest headache in the world, which is why i hate going out sometimes!

jordon is one of the nicest people i've ever met. he and his parents are so gracious and they don't even care who comes over (for the record, i met his mother before i met him...long story...involves dragging jacob out to vote with me...). simone and i literally walked up to the house, opened the front door, and walked right in (for all we knew, we could have been in the wrong house!) jordon's mom went out and bought chasers for everyone in hopes that we wouldn't be hungover the next day! right, so who's everyone? well steve took the liberty in inviting us over, as well as some other queen's people, and along with brandon, chad and greg, i met some more of jacob's highschool guys including alex (so cute!), lenny and niv. scary guy mark dropped by as well, and my only regret is that we missed out on seeing the infamous lucy and adam! greg was so nice, he insisted on driving us home (like it's far away or something...) and the rest of the night was devoted to 6 more episodes of season one SC.

i went in for a TB skin test yesterday, and somehow also found myself taking a blood test as well. it was my very first time i've ever done one of those, but it's really not that bad...i know grace HATES needles and all i've heard are stories of people holding to every limb while someone else does the blood test, but really, other then the slightly nausating sound of the squirting blood at the end (haha, sorry if that was gross) i feel that i'll be ok for future blood tests.

ah alright, to end on a non-gross note...today we're all going out to celebrate grandma's 90th birthday, whooo...something to dress up for! hahaha.

happy birthday canada!

what did i do to celebrate my nationality? i browsed through douglas coupland's souvenir of Canada 2 that's sitting ames' desk. wow do i feel canadian... haha.

i'm feeling pretty relaxed now that the field report's done and the bellringer is over (oh but the bellringer was brutal...). went to see the producers with my family last night and then on the subway ride home, we happened to run into aunt gen and uncle ron. interesting conversations arose and ended with an upset sister and me feeling retarded and stupid as usual...not cool.

today i went over to simone's and seeing how it was a GORGEOUS day outside, we walked over to commerce gate (hwy 7 and leslie) to have bubble tea, and of course, seeing as i don't see her enough (haha) we had a great long conversation as per usual and then watched some of mandy moore's cheesy chasing liberty...and when i say cheesy, i MEAN IT.

it's going to be quite interesting to see how i fare the upcoming week as i'll have absolutely nothing to do...and it's been a very long time since i've had THAT kind of feeling...