i really SHOULD start my field report...after all, it's due tomorrow...whatever, i'll get to that after i blog...maybe... ;p

congratulations to flo and alan on a great bbq, although i can't say much about the food, for some odd reason i was particularly full last night *wink* and i don't know how to explain it, but i think flo lost me and matthew for a bit there...where did we go? i say we were in the basement watching the simpsons the whole time, i think flo was just too drunk to see us! *gasp* hahaha. also, i wish i knew the kids were going to be there so that i could bring michelle's yarn ball with me, as well as pictures from japan...i think we still need to meet up to go over the pictures some time!

so let me tell you about the fabulous time i had at the docks on friday...went over to simone's after work and dinner with the folks, and met up with steve, brandon, chad, richard and sajel (birthday girl) at the docks. great music + smirnoff raspberry twist (new favorite drink) + shot of something steve bought = a hell of a good time! at least i can say this time that i really did dance! (flashback to halloween...hahahaha) jacob came by after work to buy sajel a couple more shots and then he was kind of enough to come home with me as the subway stopped running.

dad bought tickets to the terracotta warriors show playing at the elgin theatre and we went to that on tuesday. ames was wondering how good it would be but i think we all throughly enjoyed the show. i think i enjoyed the movement of the long flowing robes that the dancers/actors wore and even though the music was of the traditional chinese kind with drums and strings and even an opera singer, it was really great to hear and see. i definitely recommend people to see it!

travel update:
cat and shelley are leaving wednesday, i think i need to see those girls again before they go!!!!! *tear* and i think i'll be seeing ava sometime this week, as she's off to japan next week! on the bright side, georges should be back tomorrow and i think we're supposed to go out (?!?!) plus faye should be back from france sometime soon...

ok, so it doesn't look like this field report will write itself...too bad.

disclaimer: this is NOT a happy post so i suggest you NOT read on if you're looking for a happy girl.

sometimes i wish i was a robot with no emotions, i think it would definitely make life easier. there's just too much 'drama' in my life right now, and it's speeding like a train wreck towards the limit of some sort of emotional or mental breakdown...i can feel it. i'm starting to drink more, and when i DO drink, i like to drink really fast so that i can feel the effects faster, so that i can laugh, be rambunctious and act like everything is alright.

i'm not really happy anymore, and this is terrible because when people ask me how everything is and how i am, i can't even say a fake 'great!' because i'm feeling THAT bad, that i'll just start babbling about what's wrong at the time, and frankly, i can see the scared expression on their faces, and their concern hurts me because i don't like to burden people with my troubles.

the worst thing is that the type of person that i am, i don't have many REALLY close friends (tons of acquaintences) and even less close girlfriends, but i can only count two that are even remotely close enough to see right now, and only one of them do i see on a regular basis. all the others are abroad, or out of town...and it's scaring me so much how i'm feeling like i'm losing my backbone and strength from them.

summer time is about having fun and this is the prime of my life to be out and about being a sub-adult and growing up. instead, i'm feeling so cloistered and smothered and i'm having difficulty from doing something really drastic. and i'm really afraid that the consequences will NOT be a pretty sight. i'm this close to losing it...i need something to break my fall, but what...i have no clue...

i look back on yesterday's post i'm thinking "wow that was so stupid, posting a blog about how drunk i am" but really, it was so much fun! just for the record, i was SO NOT HUNGOVER this morning (whew!), but i can't speak for either steve or simone, who were popping advils and drinking coffee on the subway! ;p

how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see

- sarah mclachlan "stupid"

HA! i am SOOOO WASTED right now....it's great! can you imagine? only 2 raspberry smirnoff twists and a shot of liquid cocaine (it's a drink) and i'm sooooo good to go. jacob and chad got to the bar about half an hour ago and they couldnt stop laughing at how gone i was...and simone and steve were like "rah!"

anyway, i have school tomorrow...goddamn school...

so this week was "abbey" week. had a great dinner at salad king with faye on wednesday, i haven't seen her since new years. also saw our very pregnant friend, romeila (who i haven't seen since she left about 11 months ago to go to ottawa) and now she's back, 8 months pregnant and only married a month ago...i know...crazy! and then tanaks came back from kingston this weekend so we hit up money last night with faye and jamie (who i also haven't seen since god-knows-when). we were supposed to see karina and cha but they ended up going down to see some "northwest" music set thingy that was going on so i guess i'll see them some other time when tanaka comes in again.

awww, i feel so shitty right now. my "friend" decided to show up RIGHT before i went out last night. at that point i realized why i've been so moody lately. it was weird because i had gone out friday night with jacob and ames, and i'd get upset so easily but not really know the real cause of being mad. it just really sucks how hormones can take over your life and blow you away.

whoa what a crazy night. thanks so much to jacob and henry for coming to the rescue. no thanks to my crazy parents who wouldn't stop freaking out. really, how old am i? i think i'll always be 12 with them, and it's getting quite frustrating to open my own wings and fly...that's another rant for another blog...

as human beings, a common requirement is that we all do stupid things, but the best thing that shows up through all the stupidness is you find out who are your friends and who are not. i've had my fair share (tequila rose, girls? *shudder* ;p) and luckily for me, my girls are always with me thinking for me when i cannot.

simone needed me last night, and i was there to help her. mind you, i don't have a car, but that didn't stop me. jacob unfortunately could not be reached earlier, so i had my other friend, henry come to the rescue. sure, it was late at night, and i was ready to hit the sack, but hey, that's what friends do...look out for each other.

the 'episode' had a happy ending, but unfortunately, through it all, my parents had to be asses. i'm not going into the details but all i have to say is i don't agree with their morals and i'm not sure how i feel about being open to them anymore. i only wish they could be more supporting and more helpful, but i guess you can't have everything, eh? all i have to say, is if ANY of my friends ever need my help, they shouldn't worry about being judged or not having me watch their back (well, unless i'm in the same situation).

last night definitely opened up my eyes a little bit more to other people's closed minded views.

ew ew ewww!! (note to self: don't watch movies like 'something's gotta give' or 'calendar girls'...)
watching a movie with keanu reeves kissing diane keaton is just really really gross!

oh i spent too much money at the muhtadi drummer's festival at queen's park today. but it was pure good times as we stayed there from 12 noon to around 7:30pm. yah, there was some really awesome drumming (jamaican, caribbean, and even chinese dragon drumming!) and good food, and at 4pm there was a D-Day celebration on the other side of queen's park where we got to see a glimpse of dalton mcguinty and david miller. there was even a beer tent set up so that we could go and have a bottle of steamwhistle (which i just found out is made in the roundabout by the AC, and that is just really really cool!)

i'm exhausted. must be all that walking...huh...

guess what? tee and i had our frosh coordinator interview today and......we didn't get it. =(

oh well, life is full of shits and giggles, and i guess this is a big piece of poo. on the bright side, i'll be able to go on vacation with parents in august (oh wait...how is that a good things?) BUT it also means i have more time to do...other stuff...

oh whatever. i wish i was still in japan.

i advise anyone with nothing better to do this summer to definitely go and see shrek 2. it had me in stitches the whole entire time! another movie i really want to see is the terminal with tom hanks and catherine zeta jones...she actually looks very pretty with the short hair and bangs.

it's been a weird couple of days. yesterday i had this uncontrollable desire to eat junk food, so i went out with my sister to buy a bag of chips...turns out you can buy one bag of lays for $2 but you can buy 3 bags for only $5...you can guess which deal i went for! but after having nearly an entire bag of chips to myself...i think i've sated THAT craving for awhile...not to mention having a reese's piece's blizzard from dairy queen today (flo, matt and i snuck ours into the theatre, but of course flo decided to leave the theatre again and BROUGHT her snack with her...and got in a fight with the girl about bringing outside food into the theatre...)i think my craving for ice cream has also been fed.

i also went insane with my debit card today. we had a test in class, and afterwards i told my mom it was a nice day and i wanted to walk outside for a bit before i came home...turns out walking outside means walking inside the jacob store at the manulife centre...that place just sucks me in like a vacuum cleaner...i bought the cutest pair of cargo pants...(they roll up at the side!) as well as a new PINK purse, and of course...the staple jacob underwear! they have this new line with really cool, bright colors and a little flower on the left side!

why is it so easy to spend money, yet so difficult to make it? if anyone has an answer to that, i'd love to know!