The Ten Commandments of a University Student

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to
him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your
room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not
be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it
was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student
said "why?" And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late,
drink too much and make out with people you don't know. Therefore, God said,
you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for
they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God
said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student,
you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are
getting wet and wild in the shower. You shall never say you are at class,
you shall say you are sleeping.in class. God said, if you do not write witty
away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get
many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God
said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And
you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should
it be and God said, you shall own one with your school's logo on it and you
shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased
and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you
shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be good
shit, it will be the shit of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours.
Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain.
And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the
shit, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And
Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to
ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and
God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you
don't need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by
the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed
with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God
told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be
happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about
them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their
company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good.
And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He
knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be
napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto
him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never
go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God
told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in
the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what
you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have
nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie (and baby powder!).
And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great
stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God
took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not
like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight.
However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat
pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to
which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will
still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better
and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits.
And it was good.

This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you
will be smite!

On another note, i have registered for my summer classes, it's all good!