50 things girls wish guys knew

1. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
2. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress
like Victoria Secret models.
3. There is no such thing as too much spooning/cuddling/kissing.
4. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
5. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
6. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is
not necessary.
7. Foreplay is not an option, it's a prerequisite!
8. We're allowed to be late . . . YOU ARE NOT.
9. Eye contact is key.
10. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
11. Three words: honesty, honesty, honesty.
12. Do not start with us. You will not win, because we ALWAYS win!
13. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister in a bad way? We
didn't think so.
14. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
15. We will never have enough clothes or handbags or shoes!
16. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
17. We love surprises!
18. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
19. Clean your room.
20. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and
white teeth are a necessity.
21. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still
love you anyway.
22. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
23. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays and anniversaries.
24. We may think you are gay if you wear tighty-whities on a regular basis.
25. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
26. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too!!
27. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks
all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
28. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
29. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.
30. You have to tell a girl how you feel about her...we make no assumptions.
31. We hate porn.
32. We need food, water, and compliments to survive.
33. We think about you all the time.
34. Being able to make us laugh is so much more important than how
much you can bench-press.
35. Hold our hand.
36. If you think for any reason that we don't like you then we probably don't.
37. Having us over while you are doing something else and/or with your
friends does not count as "quality time".
38. Never comment on how much a girl eats...ever.
39. You just can't force us to like cars or sports (or whatever other
stuff you may be into).
40. We're typically smarter than you...so get over it and stop whining.
41. Walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead, and cooking dinner for
us will get you everywhere.
42. Just because we're in a serious relationship doesn't mean we plan
to marry you someday.
43. Anything you do or say to another girl that you wouldn't want us
to know about is considered cheating.
44. If we can admit that we're wrong, you'd better be able to do the same.
45. Think before you speak...it'll make a world of difference.
46. Make fun of our clothes...prepare to die.
47. Tell us we're beautiful.
48. Don't screw us over...especially if we have an older brother or
protective guy friends...they will hunt you down and kill you.
49. The "little things" in a relationship are really the biggest.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my
best friends know everything about you.

isn't it funny how so many of those are true?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, Voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

No wonder we don't trust attorneys....