I received a disturbing email from the maintenance man at work this weekend. it was titled "christina":

Hi there , i thought i'd send you an email to let you know ...(psst) i have one *wicked crush* on you but i am kind of hesitant on letting you know that at work...i guess the signs are there huh? and also i know your a busy woman so ...let me know how you feel and if your committed to someone else...if so , i understand see ya at work ...Take care! Jeff!~


If Ya Don't Reply ....it's your FuneraL

Byllzy says so >:-)

there are so many things wrong with this email. why are you putting yourself out there like that? he's very old looking (like late 30s or early 40s), VERY unattractive, AND he doesn't seem to know the difference between "you're" and "your." the last line also freaked me out. "if ya don't reply...it's your funeral"?!?!?!?! is he threatening me as well? needless to say, i enlisted the help of many friends to get their feedback as to what i should do and say.

my good friend jordan offered to send him an email, i asked that he run it by me first. this is what he posted on his blog:

So...I was going to write a threatening email to to help Christina get the creepy 40-something maintenance fella off her back. This situation just goes to show you that being bubbly and friendly has its downsides and very few upsides...unless you're actually trying to pick up. The worst decision Christina made was not giving me the guy's email address. She requested that I run the email through her so she could ensure I didn't send anything like the following sick joke: (And I don't do pre-approved censored emails because I'm a shit disturber...)

"Hey you, fucking janitor, stay away from my biatch - I mean it!! My hunni's pot is real sweet, but the only sweetness you'll be tasting anytime soon will be the opened sugar packets I stick in your mouth to help your blood clot after I use a pair of cold-forged pliers to slowly remove each and every one of your non-cavitated teeth. I'm leaving the bad ones in 'cuz the sugar will fuck them up even more. Ain't no Crest that can repair that damage and good luck getting OHIP to cover the cosmetic surgery that you will require after I use a razor blade to scrape the tissue off your upper-right gumline. Then every time you bite down on a hard candy, you'll remember the time you tried to grab my candy's ass. And let me remind you that as a temporary employee, YOU DON'T GOT NO HEALTH BENEFITS...SUCKA!!!!!!! Regards, Jo Jo"

hahaha, it's so great. unfortunately, i don't think the maintenance man would appreciate your humor jo. i eventually came up with something, but i had to really fight the urge not to write please don't kill me at the end of the email. today is monday now, so let's all hope that everything will be ok. i've already warned karina that if i didn't see her tonight that they should send a search warrant out for me. :0