Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages
Monkeys in my heart
Rattling their cages
Found a way to pooooop
Another ghost to follow
Said its only up to you
It’s the hardest pill to swallow

You never get to choose
You live on what they send you
You know the kind of use
Things you love will get you
One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There’s never time to save
You’re paying by the hour

And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
And that’s just the way it goes

Slipping through the bars
Aware of the danger
Of riding in the cars
Taking candy from strangers
You’re never out of hand
Never out of pocket
Super sonic man
Do you want to buy a rocket

Well that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
Falling awake
And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
Falling awake

Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages
Monkeys in my heart
Are rattling their cages
I could learn to play the game
Learn to run the hustle
If I only had the brains
The money or the muscle

- Gary Jules, Falling Awake

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Cristina: There's a club. The "Dead Dads" club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize.. but until you feel that loss- My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club.

George: I. [pause] I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't.

Cristina: Yeah, that never really changes.

This is for tee. I'm so sorry you had to join this club.

Even though this was one of the hardest grey's episodes to watch, I had to watch it again. I cannot concentrate on school, on anything really. I'm so distracted.

I'm not a part of this club, yet I'm constantly aware of how quickly a person you love can be taken away at a moment's notice. I'm not a part of this club, but I am part of another. It is almost six months later. The pain doesn't stop. It may dull, but the pain doesn't go away. On the outside I may look strong. Perhaps I forget for a moment, but there are always little subtle signs that remind me again. I don't mind, I like to remember the good times.

But the pain always remains.

i just realized that it has been quite some time since my last post. It's crazy how fast time flies sometimes.

classes at seneca started two weeks ago. the first week was filled with alot of awkward and tense filled moments because we were choosing our new groups. the problem lay in the fact that since first term, everyone now has a clear idea of who they want to work with...but most of all, who they do NOT want to work with. this created a lot of tension because no one wanted to work with certain people. but how do you avoid this without creating any drama? or even worse, what do you do when you ARE stuck in a group with so called classmate?

i have to say that i'm pretty happy with my loot. haha. to top it off, our class has received three new belgium girls!!! at the risk of sounding like a complainer, i was hoping for some belgium GUYS. seriously, the last thing we needed was more chicks. hahaha.

also, last weekend i went to get a haircut. let me take this opportunity to explain how stressful getting a haircut can be. i have always had very long hair. when i was little, i was a ballerina. and ballerina's always had long hair which they wound into buns on the top of the heads. when i stopped taking ballet lessons, i went and chopped half my hair, up to the middle of my back. ever since then, the shortest haircut i have had was up to my shoulders. the ordeal i went through with THAT particular haircut involved a razer blade with a chinese hairdresser. now, i avoid chinese hair salons like the plague.

the last couple times i have gone to evoke hairsalon. they are amazing. but both those times, my father would ask me "you went to get a haircut so that your hair looks exactly the same?"

so this time i started asking around for recommendations. and this time, i have received one of the best cuts ever. i now have side bangs that ACTUALLY compliment my face. i feel like i have had them forever! i must admit that it feels weird to have short hair again, but at least this time i can put it in a pony tail and not have it look like a rat-tail!

i also went to the symphony twice this week for mozart's 251st birthday. i went with mich on wednesday and we shared a two for one meal at marcel's, a lovely french restaurant. then yesterday i went with kristen...a bbtea meal before, and then through jake's recommendation, jeremiah bullfrog's afterwards. good times!

the bulk of my time is focusing on school, work, family and occasionally...friends. haha. that's a big lie. friends are so important to me too. it's what makes the world go round...

what a small small world...

it never fails to surprise me how many people i know who know one another. just today, i found out that my co-worker, carissa, knows a lot of my smc friends. we called up manny and he was soooo surprised!

and this is all thanks to facebook. if it wasn't for this phenomenal tool, i would never have known! this website has connected me with so many people that i have not spoken to in years!

i have found friends from highschool, from middle school, ELEMENTARY school (oh soloman!)...and EVEN old math tutorial classes!!! (how embarrassing!)

it's nice to find out what everyone is doing, even though it is a little creepy with the whole big brother-esque "news feed." hahaha.

c'est la vie!